Mole-Rat Infestation

OMG NUCLEAR BOMB!!!!!!!!!
''Thanks for tuning in once again folks to Wasteland News. Some of you out here in the region might have witnessed a small thermonuclear explosion yesterday! The Cult of the Mushroom Tip rejoiced over in my settlement as they believed their prophecy of a second nuclear world carpet bombing was upon us and the scourge of humanity would be completely gone. Alas, it was just a single mushroom, not the expected wave of cleansing, purifying fire.''

''Your favorite local reporter was actually on the scene prior to the explosion because, well there isn't much to investigate and report on in these parts lately. Here's what your fourth estate saw: A absolute HORDE of molerats cresting the dunes out near the old Fast Lane, now ganger hangout ... well, former ganger hangout because it was seriously burning when I arrived ... the molerats seemed to be drawn directly to the burning building. Some poor sods seemed to be standing there in the way. Now, I've seen some ultraviolence in my time reporting, but this was just phenomenal. I thought for sure they were going to be ripped to shreds, but they laid into those rats like ... like ... like a team of rat butchers. Ugh, that was bad. Note to self, find a better simile prior to publication. Anyway, ugh, back in the zone Jeffery. Back in the zone. Ahem. The clouds of smoke from the burning Fast Lane seemed to be basically detonating the rats like ... like ... meat balloons? Shit, isn't that a word for boobs? Note to self, find another good simile. While the folks on the ground were doing there thing, a pickup truck was just careening back and forth through the horde of rats, flattening so many but the rats just kept coming! ''

''Suddenly, some sort of commotion happened with the forces on the ground and what appeared to be some sort of mecha-death bot threw something towards the truck and the horde of rats then BOOM. Nuclear explosion! The rats which still survived had lost their nerve and fled, although the folks in the pickup truck were crisped faster than a ... a ... bacon toaster? Fuck, I'm bad at this. Why did I ever decide to be an Outlands reporter. ''

''Oooo, is this a snack cake? Folks, the explosion seems to have tossed into the air a number of snack cakes! This one is only like half charred and radioactive. It's just my day! I'm taking this one home!''



The previous audio recording was found among the remains of a young man in a small shack with the sign "Wasteland News" written on a scrap board in white paint. It appears mole rats dug up into the structure from below. What attracted them to this place, I'm really not sure but the events described corrolate to the myth of "Earl and Kevin." Investigations continue.

~Professor Yotz, Outlands Researcher Cascadia Prime